After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
