either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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