whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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