guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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