im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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