She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
