Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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