I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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