o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize