i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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