I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
