Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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