The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
