Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
