I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
