somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
BRING THE BAGELS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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