puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
