The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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