I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
