i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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