I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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