just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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