when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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