maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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