maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
