He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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