he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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