Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
do nipples grow back?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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