how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
