my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize