# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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