Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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