Just cropdusted the office
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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