i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
