Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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