they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize