he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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