I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
