Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize