In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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