no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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