There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
