I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
