You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
