I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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