please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
