did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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