My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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