i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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