No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
