Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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