Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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