Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
