I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
