Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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