It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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