suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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