i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
