I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
