Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
