My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
