God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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