Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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