Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
