I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
