made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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