Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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