Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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