It's Friday. Sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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