Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she smelled like a LAN party
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
