Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but iām ok with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
