You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
