i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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