I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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