Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
